


I will love you without any strings attached

by quantumoddity



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dissociation, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27765478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity
Summary: Caleb comes home to find Mollymauk struggling with old memories
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 5
Kudos: 83





	I will love you without any strings attached

Caleb knew all about dark places. He had his own fair share of shadows, ones that would throb and shift and change as whatever light he could make inside himself stayed in its usual flux. The kind of heavy, unshakable sadness that came without warning, the panic without any source, he’d mapped them out himself on countless explorations. 

Whenever he found himself lost in one, whether he knew the reason or not, whether he could summon the weakest of smiles for him or not, Mollymauk would be there. He would listen and if there was nothing Caleb could say, then he would talk, he’d fill the silence so it wouldn’t weigh on his wizard so much, punching it through with jokes or gentle memories or anything at all like stars in a thick night. He would hold him like he was never going to let it go or he would let him be, a quiet, comforting presence at the other end of the sofa finding excuses to linger close by until Caleb was ready to reach for him. Whatever he needed, Mollymauk would give it to him, even if Caleb himself couldn’t have said what it was. 

When it had run through, burned through him and left him hollowed out and exhausted, Molly would still be there. He’d smile and kiss his forehead and tell him he was so proud of him. He’d shush Caleb’s attempts to apologise, insisting that there was no need. He was here for the dark thoughts and low moods every bit as much as the rest of it. 

And for all his smiles and breezy confidence, Caleb fully intended to do the same for his Mollymauk. 

He knew something was wrong before he’d even fully come into their bedroom to see his partner curled on his side on their bed, shoulders slumped and tail limp across the sheets, barely even twitching. It hadn’t just been that he wasn’t there to jump on him and welcome him home at the end of a long day at work, as usual, it was more the quiet in the apartment. Usually there was music playing and Molly singing along or something roaring from their tiny television, just the general noise that Molly made as he moved through life. But tonight, there had been nothing. 

Caleb let his bag full of half completed order forms and books that had been delivered to the store that he wanted to check out for himself hit the floor. A good, loud noise to let Molly know he was there, so he wouldn’t be surprised, so he could curl in tighter on himself if he wanted and Caleb would know to come back another time. 

“Mollymauk?” he breathed, keeping his voice low and even, doing his best impression of his partner when their positions were reversed. 

To his relief, Molly made a soft sound and his tail twitched, searching the bed like a lifeline looking for something to anchor on. Caleb scrambled forward, reaching and letting it wrap around his wrist, tight as a coiled snake. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered, “I’m here now.” 

“Hi Caleb,” Molly mumbled, his voice flat and cold, a sodden version of his usual brightness, “How was work?”

“Never mind that right now,” Caleb raised Molly’s tail to his lips and kissed it gently, unsure if he wanted him touching any other part of him just yet, “Did something happen, Liebling?”

Molly was silent for a while, so long that it wasn’t clear if an answer was coming or not, if he could find the strength or he couldn’t. But then he gave a low, long sigh, turning his face to the pillow. 

“It happened again.” 

Caleb winced, pulling his knees up under himself, holding on to Molly as tight as he dared without causing pain, “I’m sorry…do you want to talk about it?”

This time there was no pause, “Uh huh. Will you hold me?”

He did, letting him turn so they could lie together, noses almost touching, legs loosely entwined. From here, Caleb could see the rawness around his red eyes, the salt left behind by tears that had dried up a while ago. He felt his heart clench painfully, drawing him close as if that would undo whatever hurts he was nursing. 

“I was at the Blooming Grove and someone walked past me. I didn’t even see them, they were heading out of the door,” Molly’s voice was tight and bitter, “But...their perfume. Something about it…”

He trailed off, mouth downturned but Caleb unfortunately knew enough to fill in the gaps for himself. 

If Molly didn’t remember any of his past at all it would have been less painful. It was this puzzle with gaping missing pieces, these fragments with sharp edges that meant he could never really forget that his mind wasn’t whole. It was these moments where something would be suddenly familiar for reasons he couldn’t remember, sounds and smells that tried to spark kindling that wasn’t there any more. A certain pitch of laughter in the distance, the cover of a particular book in the store, the opening chords of a song that might have sounded like another, footprints of a life that wasn’t his. 

Caleb couldn’t even imagine how maddening it was, he could only guess from the deep wells of depression it sank Mollymauk into whenever it happened. 

“I just hate it,” his voice was trembling, “It’s like it’s just out of reach but even when I try to grab it, it moves another inch away. I’m trying as hard as I can but…”

Caleb rested his hand on his cheek, sensing the panic rising in his partner’s voice, “Molly, it’s okay, here…” 

He cast around their bedroom, finding a blanket that had ended up on the floor sometime in the day, snagging it and bringing it up to wrap Molly in. It seemed to work, there was a definite loosening of muscles and a soft sigh of exhaustion catching up with him. 

“There we go, Liebling,” Caleb whispered, tucking it in around his shoulders, letting his fingers linger against his cheek. 

“I like who I am now,” Molly croaked, throat tight with the kind of deep buried terror it was hard to even give a voice to, “I don’t want to forget who I am.” 

Caleb took a deep breath, nearly unable to share the load of that thought, putting it to one side. He smiled gently, finding Molly’s gaze and holding it. 

“You are Mollymauk Tealeaf. You’re loud and bright and you act like not much phases you. You’re colourful and beautiful and you live life how you want to. You can sing and play guitar and piano, you’re a natural performer. You can’t ever sit through a whole movie, you have terrible handwriting, you like to sleep in and...and for some reason I still haven’t quite figured out, you love me. And my life is so much better with you in it because I love you so much too.”

Molly smiled, tears sparkling in his eyes as they crinkled in the corners in that way Caleb loved so much. 

“And if you ever need me to remind you of that, I’ll tell you,” he continued, smiling back, “Because I know quite a bit about you, Liebling, because I’m that lucky.”

Molly let his forehead gently rest on Caleb’s, “Thanks, darling. Though I’m feeling like the lucky one right now.” 

Caleb wouldn’t argue with him, just glad to see the smile back on his partner’s face and know he was returning back to himself. Molly drew the blanket over him too, so they could share it, an excuse to draw all the closer. 

Caleb did know a lot about dark places. And he certainly knew how easier they were to weather when you had someone by your side. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please consider leaving a comment! I'm also over on Tumblr @mollymauk-teafleak


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